In her wise and very helpful book, Praying Our Goodbyes, Joyce Rupp reminds Christians that all we have in this life is on loan to us. From the moment we leave the womb until the moment we leave this life, we will experience both hellos and goodbyes. We will all be touched by gain and loss, joy and sorrow, health and illness, union and separation, life and death.
Goodbyes are oft en painful, especially when we find ourselves without someone or something that has given our lives meaning and value. Goodbyes can include loss of friendships, romantic relationships, health, homes, marriages, finances, jobs, possessions, and loved ones. They can also include loss of mobility, strength, energy, independence, plans, and even dreams.
Jesus says, “I have told you… in this world you will have trouble.” Rupp reminds us that we are “pilgrim hearts and Exodus people,” moving through life. All is not dire, however. Goodbyes oft en are followed by Hellos. Frederick Buechner and Adam Hamilton both have said, “the worst thing is not the last thing.” Indeed, the Gospel message is that we are resurrection people. Life does lead to death, but then resurrection.
Faced with painful losses, we must say goodbye before we are ready for a hello – or a new beginning. Rupp argues that simply saying goodbye isn’t enough. To let go and let God, we should pray our goodbyes. In the spiritual life, we should not allow suffering and loss to immobilize or depress us. Rather, prayer can help us carry on with courage and hope.
Rupp has the touch of a wise poet and a deeply caring heart. In the Spring of 2025, we will off er at least one class focused on Praying our Goodbyes and will weave her wisdom into several other settings. Th is fall, if you are entering a season of Goodbyes or Hellos, I urge you to read Rupp’s book. Her book has meant a great deal to me and has been a source of encouragement for many seasons.
THE TREES GROW MORE RESTLESS:
OCTOBER WIND WEAVES THROUGH THEM:
THEY SHAKE THEIR ARMS IN DISMAY
AS IF TO FIGHT THE COMING COLD
AND THE GRIEF OF LEAVES GOING.
AUTUMN AIR DOES A HEART-DANCE
ON BRANCHES ALREADY GONE BARREN:
THE MISTY AIR CLINGS TO GOLDEN LEAVES.
MAKING THE TREES BEND EVEN LOWER.
IT IS A SEASON TO HOLD THE TREES CLOSE.
TO STAND WITH THEM IN THEIR GRIEVING.
IT IS A TIME TO OPEN MY INNER BEING
TO THE MISTY TRUTHS OF MY OWN GOODBYES.
AUTUMN COMES. IT ALWAYS DOES.
GOODBYE COMES. IT ALWAYS DOES.
THE TREES STRUGGLE WITH THIS TRUTH TODAY
AND IN MY DEEPEST OF BEING, SO DO I.
EVERY AUTUMN, NOSTALGIA FILLS ME;
EVERY AUTUMN, YEARNING HOLDS ME.
I CLING TO THE RIPENESS OF SUMMER,
KNOWING IT WILL BE MANY LONG MONTHS
BEFORE I CAN CATCH A BREATH OF LILAC,
OR THE GREEN OF FRESHLY MOWN GRASS.AND SO I BEGIN MY FALLOW VIGIL,
REMEMBERING THE TRUTH OF THE AGES:
UNLESS THE WHEAT SEED DIES
IT CANNOT SING A NEW BIRTH.
UNLESS SUMMER GIVES IN TO AUTUMN
SPRINGTIME WILL NEVER EMBRACE ME.
– Joyce Rupp, Praying Our Goodbyes